生命之旅 - Life as a journey....

First love ( written in 2002 )

"Would you really forget your first love ?" She asked, "Is it really possible to forget about him ?"

I listened and thought...

Have I really forgotten about him ? I asked myself.

Or more precisely, can I ever forget about him ?

I mourned, for 13 long years, I mourned, I lost him.
I blamed, I blamed myself for losing him.

I have long forgotten how tear tastes like, for there is no more tear since ages ago.

How did I survive for all those years ? I have no clue, you tell me.

There were guys in and out, passing, and running across my life in the past 13 long years.
I just didn't see them in a passionate way.
Or I should say, I am crippled emotionally.
I always compared them with him, the perfect image I have for him.
Needless to say, no one is perfect.

I sometime ask myself, how life would be if I have done differently then.

What if...

It is not easy to rip your emotion out of your brain.
After all, we are made of flesh and blood.
That's why we are human. How ironic it is !

To live, is to suffer.

I think of him, from time to time.
I am as useless as you can imagine.

You are no better than I in any way of measurement regarding this matter of heart.

Not even God, if he does exist, can get away from it.

But I have to move on, make a life for myself, for the family and friends that care for me.
I live for others, so I choose.

A new love awaits and deserves my attention and loyalty.
A new life is ahead and I shall not be alone.

I said to myself.
He is gone. Just gone.

Althought I must lie to myself, as long as I believe, then it is true.

My first love, a fact that I can't deny.

Yet, I can attempt to mask it as 2 words.....