生命之旅 - Life as a journey....

More than often, people claim we have to have hope and dream to live a full life.
But, they often fail to mention, what "the hope" is and what "the dream" that we must have and certainly no one could tell tale of no hope nor dream.

What is "the hope" ?
What is "the dream" ?

Before I hit the first major "wall" in my life, I thought the hope is everything deems possible, world is kind, people are nice, life is worth living and you can dream about anything, even it's almost impossible.

Most of all, it's not a sin to dream.

I was happy, had the hope to dream about impossible, had the dream to hope for anything.
I believed, love could do no wrong, love coule be the base for future.
I was young and naive, obviously.

As you can guess what I am about to say next, when I hit that first major "wall" in my life, I was forced to see the hope slipped through my fingers, faded in my very eyes, learning the cruel side of this world at the worst point of my life.
I was forced to witness the world around me shattered, smashed, everything that I held scared, dear to heart, gone, in front of me.

It was a sin, unforgiveable sin for me to dream then.
No hope to dream, no dream to hope.
On top of hopeless, there was helpless, nothing I could do to make the pain stop, nor to stop the clock, end the sufferring.

Wait, there was indeed one thing I could do to end all those, and I did, and I failed.

After that, the lowest and worst point of my life, I thought life could not get any worse.
Guess what, I was right about that for once in my life.

I paid with my beating heart and soul for such a cruel lesson.
The lesson of betryal, the cruelty of humankind, the selfishness and the abandonment.
There is no word can express the pain, the hurt.
They said, I was so broken, beyond any possible repair.

For years, I walked alone, in the endless darkness, in the ruin of everything.
Silence speaks, in those days, to me.

Life does not stop, sun still go up from the east and I still live.

What happened when you lost all hopes, after you woke up from all dreams ?
Have another hope ? Dream another dream ?

Hell no, why do I want to experience the pain again ?
You may say it may not be the same, I disagree, human nature, tends to repeat history.

I stop hoping, I stop dreaming.
I do not pick up the pieces, I left the ruin of everything.
I took the history and those lesson learned with me, served as a constant reminder.
I turned my back to everything that I once loved but paid me betryal in return, I am beyond.

For some unknown reason, I feel safe to walk in the darkness alone.
Perhaps it's because I know no one would bother to notice me, I was beyond invisible.
It actually is quite a relief, the freedom that comes along.

I just do what I can for what I need with what I have.
I set goal one at a time if it appeals, no mean to dream.
No hope, no expectation, no disappointment.
I finished one task, I tackle next one, no preference.
Take the heart out, live life with reason and reason only.

Time just flows through me, leaving little trait on me.


After nearly 2 decades, licking the wound alone, suck in all the blood and teeth in silence, I have proved myself, I do not need hope nor dream to have a full life. I accomplish something no one thought I could, I survived, I have my realm.
I do not need anyone to envy, I do not need anyone to admire, I have myself that recognize my own existence, that's more than enough.

The soul is still broken, the heart still aches, but they don't matter any more.
I still and will always carry the burden until I take my last breath.

The world need not know how I suffer, how I overcome.
I may never get the closure I seek, but I will never regret every step I ever made, the decision to walk my own path.

Is "Hope" a must ?
Is "Dream" a must ?